Why Is It So Hard

I feel rushed, anxious, frustrated, worried, eager, and hopeful. My whole life has been turned upside down since my husband lost his job. I am at a loss for word on how it makes me feel inside to know we are in such a tight situation. I am, by nature a worrier who gets anxious pretty easily. I'm frustrated with the job market and with his former employer. I am eager for him to find new work....anywhere in this fine nation, and even hopeful that it will happen SOON. You can take all of those emotions and apply them to my desire for my portrait business to take off and be a bit of relief to our pocket book.
Not even sure I can write this post. It is not an easy thing for me to do. In the last four days I have really had to trim the fat. On Saturday we were headed out to Silverwood to watch my niece run in the annual cross country meet. We got in the car with our kids, our snacks and our cameras. The first stop was to be the Tire Store to pick up my parent who were headed that way with us ( they had to leave their car there to get the tires and oil changed). Aaron put the key in and turned it...nothing, nada, no clicking no engine roar COMPLETE silence. Instantly my eyes welled with tears. I mean come on, how many things have to go wrong before you just want to give up. I called mum, she said to call Clancy for a jump start. I tried his home phone...no answer then his cell...I had forgotten that he had a new number for his work. I tried to call Megan to see if they could help, but no answer on any of their phones either. Finally Clancy called back. He came and got it going! Oh the joy, with a bit of anxious mixed in...wasn't sure what was wrong or what caused the battery to be completely dead. It could have been a light left on, or the battery was just old, or the starter or the alternator. Too many options for a worst case scenario girl like me.
We mad it to the race with minutes to spare. We watched Maja run a great race! She was fourth on her team to cross the line, not sure what number in the over all race, but she did it in under 25 minutes! Then it was time to head back home to get Aaron and Dad back in time to go to the temple. We got back to the car to find that once again the battery was zapped, completely drained. Tears welled again as my brother-in-law came back to get it running again. We had planned a stop at Cabelas so my Da could check it out (he had never been to one and REALLY wanted to go), but that was scrubbed from our agenda. Megan and Shawn graciously offered to take him there instead. I was just too afraid to turn the car off again. So, with the car running for the time being, we we hit the road. We then got stuck ( like it was backed up for a couple of miles...yay road construction) in traffic near an on ramp...we had to take it the wrong way cause we had a little guy who HAD to go potty. Luckily, there were no cops to ticket us! We then drove around Postfalls looking for an alternative route home...so we didn't have to just get right back in the jam. We eventually found our bearings and took the back way home. Our time was getting away from us, so we had to take Aaron home, let him change his clothes ( and of course leave the car running)and head out to the temple to meet up with Da with EVERYONE still in the car. Aaron would have just scrapped the temple trip, but that would have meant Da was alone there.
We met Da at the temple ( after a wait fifteen minute wait with the car not so slowly eating away at the feul) and then headed to the Tire Store to have the battery in the car checked out. Let me just tell you how fun that part of the trip was...we again were caught in traffic (this time we were TOO close to the fairgrounds on the first Saturday of the county fair...woot woot). After being STUCK in the slow lane for over a half hour we made it to our destination! When we arrived, we got the kids out of the car left it running and went to talk to Kurt, the manager and Clancy's friend. He sort of chuckled when I told him the car was still running, upon his request for the keys.
After a half hour of running, screaming, and water spilling fun, he informed us that the battery COMPLETELY failed the test and needed to be replaced. Ugh. $150 that I didn't have was the price tag, which Mum so graciously covered for us. I can't take others money without feeling horrid and in debit to them, so I decided to make a trade, my iPod touch for the new battery. It wasn't brand spankin' new or anything...over a year old, but I knew my Da really wanted one. This made it so I felt better about that transaction then just letting them cover it. Now I am back to a life sans iPod.
Then today, I have been doing all I can to eliminate or reduce every expenditure we have. That unfortunately, meant we needed to cut the cell phones from two to one. Aaron needs his for his job hunt and any freelance work he can find....so now my life is down one more piece of technology. And like the bawl-baby that I seem to be lately, I did shed NOT A FEW tears over this loss. I am feeling a bit technology anemic at the moment, and there are times of tears especially when I can't just pick up the cell and call anyone I want,PLUS no angry birds to play...sad day...but on the funny side of this, my Mum and Da are both now hooked on it!
I also got rid of my Netflix account. Talk about a tragic day in my life. I know, trivial things in the long run, but here I am whining and over bummed about it.
I am not just trying rid the gushing out flow of money, but trying to promote my business and help take care of my family. I have no real idea how to get the clients to come, but I am trying. I feel I have a lot to offer them, yet, I am not a very gregarious person until you get to know me a bit...then I am a bit zany, crazy and in my own mind, very funny! I have a unique voice in the world of portrait photography and I want to SING it out from the roof tops, and share it with everyone! If you live anywhere near Spokane and want to have your portrait taken in the oft over looked wonders of Spokane....here I am, PICK me!!!
I will leave you now with just one picture of the cutest boy in all the world...nope, I'm not impartial I'm his mother....but come on, you know he is stinkin' cute too!




my post script: Please don't take this post as anything but my failings. I love my husband, He is a rock and a pillar to me. His faith is astounding. I know he is doing all he can to find a way to take care of his family and he is putting his trust in the Lord. I am one of those people who has a VERY hard time accepting help. I feel weak if I can't accomplish it all on my own. I know in my heart that I should be more willing to look to the Lord and those around me for the help I need. I AM working on this and...maybe that is a lesson I am to take from this trial.

My Sister and My Niece

My sister just opened her very own etsy store and she so graciously let me do the product shots for it. We had a blast taking the beauty shots for them...and my sweetie did the lighting for me. My niece, Maja was kind enough to be a second model for me...and I LOVED shooting her, photographically speaking(hehehehe). We first did the head shots, and then I convinced her mum to let me take her out and about and capture some more images at a location I have been dying to try out. I think the results were pretty fabulous...but hey what can I say I am a GrEaT self backslapper! I just love being behind the camera and finding beauty in places that to others appear strange, ugly or ordinary. I love putting the beautiful...aka Megan and Maja in areas that seem grungy or unusual.
I guess you will just have to let me know what you think!




For now I think I might have found my awesome (or at least what can possibly be my awesome). I know it is going to take a lot of work and practice...but work and practice with the camera is like play time in the rocks and dirt and mud for me...that only makes sense if you know that I have always wanted to be a geologist...except for the math part of the science of dirt!!
Ya'll have a great night!

I Hope This Isn't a Pass/Fail Thing!

If keeping up with this blogging business were a straight pass/fail sort of thing, I am SURE I would be failing. I get so involved and wrapped up in my day to days that I forget about sharing the tidbits with you out there in cyber land. And lately our tidbits have been a bit hard to digest, thus making it hard for me to want to share.
August was a roller coaster ride of events. I would say the highest point, was definitely family caused. We had a great vacation with family. Travelled in style...or at least comfort (riding in the motor home with my parent) as we travelled from home, to Moses Lake, to Clarkston, to Yellowstone and back home again (with LoTs of detours on the way). There were some great moments visiting with the half of the family that could make it.
And then came other part of the roller coaster, a much lower point of the thrill ride. August, middle August to be specific, was to be review time at Aaron's job. You know, that time of year you look forward to, the time where the boss man looks at all the amazing work that Aaron had done, takes into account all the happy clients from all that amazing work, and then doles out the raises and bonuses. I was REALLY looking forward to this time of year. Thinking of all the bills I could get a handle on and such. And then, one fine Monday after evening noon, he was late getting off work. No big deal, that happens a lot at this job...a project needs a bit of extra time, a client wants a last minute change, so on and so forth. So I am playfully sending him silly messages in the chat window, trying to get an idea of when I should start dinner. I would have just picked up the phone to call, oh yeah, that's right, I did..and it rang...right next to me...but I digress...Over an hour, very close to an hour and a half after he normally comes home,
Aaron opens the door looking very tired, pushes his bike through the door, because like a good man he was being all energy efficient and only using man power to get him to and from work) and says to me, "I need to find a new job."
I said, "oh, tired of having to work all these extra hours for basically nothing (the curse of the salary jobs)?"
He says, "No, I REALLY NEED to find a new job."
Being the somewhat slow person that I can, on rare occasions be, it took a couple of minutes for that to sink in and make anything that resembled any sort of sense. Then the tears came. My husband was fired from a job. This didn't happen because he did shoddy work or was late all the time or anything that seemed ballpark to a good reason to fire someone, no, he was fired because, and I quote, "We just don't feel like you are a good fit for the company."
After two years of wonderful service to them, many a late work nights, and more than a handful of compliments from the clients (some I might add from clients that never had dished any before) he was let go because he wasn't a good fit? Really?
I was, am, having a hard time coping with this change. Being a stay at home mum who is in charge of making sure the check book is balanced and the bills are all paid, it has been somewhat more than a little stressful. I have poured my heart out in prayer to the Lord for support and strength, and I know he hears my prayers. And I know it will all work out in His time. but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous.
So, for all you out there who are patient enough to come and check out my blog even when it has been so very post anemic and possibly anorexic, that is the reason and I am grateful that you still come.
Maybe I should move on to other things, what do ya say? Are you with me?
For quite a space of time I have been been working on with renewed intent and zeal, is my photography business. I love taking pictures. And desire to share that (what I hope others see as a talent).
I am NOT a sales person (no joke, I tried to sell Mark...you know, that branch of Avon that is suppose to be for a younger more hip crowd...and basically just bought makeup from myself) and so the whole marketing jive is so NOT my forte. I have no idea how to get people to see my work. Sure I have a website and a facebook page, even ordered business cards. But I really yearn for (I know this post is a bit of a pity party) people to want me to take their pictures for them.
I have been blessed with family members who have asked me or I asked them to let me take their portraits...and they did!







And it has been wonderful. I think they turned out smashingly well. And I have so much fun doing it. Kiamay even let me do a mini shoot after her Senior Recital...in which she played beautifully.

I will have to figure it out I guess!
So, that is that!! And I probably could have summarized it all for you like this: rant, rant, rave and rant, stomp, stomp, whine, shake fist powerfully in the air, complain, complain...but I am far too wordy to have left it at that!

A Quarter Earned, Awesomeness Purchased

So, what can you get for a quarter these days? That is the ultimate question in my little mans mind at present. Currently, we are trying to teach Javin the value of money and how to earn it, so on and so forth. What better way than to give him small chores that earn him anywhere from a quarter to a dollar each time he does them. I am not sure he is totally getting the lesson, but we press onward!
As soon as the money hits his hot little hands, his mind starts racing and he just has to hit Fred Meyer and spend his hard earned cash....Now let us go back to that question: WHAT can you get for a quarter! So many things temp in those vending machines, always begging him to spend his quarters, but this fine day, before he was even out the door he knew just exactly what his precious quarter was going to afford him...manliness in it's ultimate form!



What could be more wicked bad awesome than a MuStAcHe, I ask you? And you know I'm right...not a darn thing!

Eggs! Any one for Eggs? No they aren't green!

It has been way too long since the blog has been updated and my only excuse is that I am a bit on the "I've had enough of things going wrong, and don't feel like complaining to everyone one so how do I post happy funny things in this funk, kind of mood".
So, I will leave that as the big complaint and move on! Today I was trying to multitask...get Aaron's Aunt's photo order in order and take care of the kids...two tasks that is all, and I failed. Javin came out of the kitchen saying (over and over in a most annoying way), "Mommy, sissy in the eggs, sissy in the eggs, sissy in the eggs Mommy!"
I go into the kitchen and find this:



She sure was in the eggs! And if you read this blog ever, you know that the picture takes precedence over the mess being cleaned up! We all had a good little chuckle, took the pictures (Javin ran out to the living room got his camera and documented the mess as well) and then I got to clean it up...lucky me...right?

Is This Magically Seattle?

I live in EASTERN Washington. You know, or maybe you don't, the warm dry part of the state. Or at least that is how it usually is, especially by the end of May...again USUALLY! But this year is feeling way to Seattle-ish for my liking. Sure I love a good summer rain when it is warm out and the big heavy raindrops are warm and ripe for running through....but lately more days have been wet and yucky than warm and sunny.
Oh, I know it is great for the often ignored lawn, and the flowerbed that is finally growing, not to mention my garden, but too many days inside the house avoiding said rain makes it feel like mid winter and cabin fever starts to set in and the kids go monkey wild!
That is why, on Memorial day, after heading out the cemeteries to pay our respects to those who have gone before us, we hit the puddle with fierce enjoyment!




Today is much like Monday, only the temperature is not is warm so there will be no splashing away, no running crazily through the falling drops, no dripping wet clothes to climb out of into a hot shower. Just a lazy afternoon watching movies and wishing for the sun to make an appearance!

Sticky (Sin)namon Fan Tan!

Yes, I know I am so punny! But once you try these you might agree that they are sinfully good! We LoVeD them. The kids devoured them and asked for seconds and thirds. I am not a recipe blogger by nature. I love to bake, it is my favorite hobby...thus the reason I weigh what I do, but I shared pictures of these on FACEBOOK and had an overwhelming desire for me to share with my friends, so being the cool cat that I am I gave it to 'em. Since I think of all of you out there in Bloggerville, and Bloggerland and Blogtropolis as my friends too, I thought, what the hay, why not share it here too! Again, I don't do the recipe blogging so alas, I don't have any in the process pictures, no step by step color by numbers here...you will have to read *gasp* the instructions to make these!

Ok, I must mention it is a modified fan tan roll. . I didn't make this entirely out of my head...but as with most recipes I did tweak it a little (The cinnamon and sticky yumminess of this is all mine with other minor changes)! Oh, and I am pretty specific on some ingredients, cause well, they make the bread better....mostly the flour. I am sold on Gold Medal Better for Bread flour. I pride myself on my rolls and breads and this is what makes them so great!
Ok here goes:
1/2 cup warm water (about 110-115 degrees)
2 packages of rapid rise yeast (also works with bread machine yeast...and 2 packages = 4 and 1/2 tsp)
3/4 cup warm milk (same temp as h2o)
1/3 cup butter (softened...mine is usually melted since I heat the h2o, milk and butter together)
1/3 cup sugar
1 and 1/2 tsp salt
4 to 4 and 1/2 cups Gold Medal Better for Bread Flour
1 egg

(the filling is 3/4 to 1 cup butter melted with 1 cup BROWn sugar and about 2 tablespoons of cinnamon...depends how rich you want it. And if you like it even stickier you can make more of this)
Heat your milk, water and butter to about 115 degrees.
In your mixing bowl put in the 1 and 1/2 cups of flour, the sugar, salt and yeast, blend well, then add the milk, water and butter to the mix. Blend well. Next add the egg and enough remaining flour to make the dough stiff. (I usually add enough to make it sticky so I can knead the dough...it is a great tension release for me) once the dough is stiff from mixing (or kneading) grease a bowl and put the dough in it, grease the top of the dough and put it in the refrigerator for at least an hour. (Did I forget to mention this is a refrigerator recipe?) The actual recipe says 2 to 24 hours, but if you are impatient like me, one hour (heck 45 mins. sometimes) is all I can handle. As long as the dough has risen you are good.
Ok, once you have suffered long enough and just have to get on with the process, you take the dough out of the fridge, punch it down ( this is another great way to let of a bit of steam...only hit it once...if you need to hit more find a punching bag or pillow).
Separate it into 2 equal parts roll them out into rectangles or as close as you can get...try to make them the same size, if you are like me they will look a bit gimpy but alas they will still work...trust me!
Once you have them rolled out take some of your topping and spread it nice and thick, cause, come on, face it, you want theses cause of the sticky yummy goodness. Then cut it into 6 to 7 strips of dough, take those and stack em up, then cut your stack. I usually make the rolls about 2 inches wide. Take the sticky goody yum yums and put them in to your greased muffin tins...put them in so you can see the layers (if you want to make mini goodness you will have to take each cut and cut it into half...but for easier making, use the big tins!) Once you have finished the first rectangle move on to the next by following those easy to use directions that I just so lovingly gave you!
The yield depends on how big your muffin tins are and how big you make the rolls. The actual recipe says you should get about 18 of these babies!

You let those rise (according to the recipe) 30-45 minutes, now as I have said earlier, I am not a fan of waiting, I usually let them rise 15 to 25 minutes in a warm draft free place...if you are luckily enough to have a fancy oven that has a fancy bread setting poo poo for you, for the rest of us, 20 minutes usually does fine. I recommend putting a cookie sheet under the muffin tins, the cinnamon filling does have a tendency to try to escape!
You bake them in a nice warm oven...375 degrees for 20 minutes, or until they are golden brown and the goo is flowing and you mouth is watering and you just can't take it any more.
Your loved ones will love them so much they might even clean up the mess you made bringing them these tasty treats!